a beautiful nightmare.

There is a story in the scriptures of a man with a problem he lacks the knowledge to solve.

As humans, we sometimes find these types of circumstances embarrassing. Admitting we don’t know. Acknowledging we are less than perfect. That we don’t have it all figured out (whatever “it” is).

But this man finds relief in knowing he has somewhere to go with his questions. He takes them to the Lord. And in a twist, the Lord places them back on him. “What would you have me do? You brainstorm a solution and I will help.”

As humans, we may find this annoying. Then the pressure of expectation builds. And we are swallowed by extreme overwhelm. “Lord, you want me to bring the ideas? To you? You are all perfection, wisdom, and goodness. This doesn’t make sense. I should be taking direction from you!”

But in faith rimmed with insecurity and apologies, this man takes his best idea back to the Lord. “Lord, please forgive me. It’s not finished. In fact, now it seems so ridiculous. I am ashamed of how uncreative and smart this idea is. It is killing me inside to bring something so silly before you the Lord of the Universe. But here it is…….”

As humans, we are anticipating pushback. A slap on the wrist and a roll of the eyes. “Really?” we imagine Christ saying. “Is this the best you can do?” We are braced, kneeling at His feet ready for the opinions, commentary, and criticism we feel we so rightly deserve.

But in a shocking yet simple act, He accepts the idea and supports the proposed solution. He takes what has been suggested and does exactly what was asked on Him by the man. No criticism or eye-rolling. Just simple love and support.

As humans, we are terrified of weakness. We are mortified by being exposed as less than, unworthy of, or seen clearly, warts and all. We want to privately run to Christ and let Him do the work of fixing us. And then we will walk publicly before others as cleansed and whole, with no weakness to be seen.

But the Lord views weakness differently. And invites us to take upon ourselves His higher way of thinking. Weakness is not a thing to be scurried into a secluded place away from the world, fixed by Him, and then forgotten about. Weakness is a beautiful nightmare that strips us bare and invites Him to make us whole for all to see. It is not a one-time thing to overcome. It is a way of life. Recognizing our dependence on Him. We need Him for every single breath of every single day. Not just on Sunday when we need to be cleansed from our “oops” moments. But in every moment and thought. Because we aren’t running ourselves back to Heaven. We can run all we want. But without Him, we aren’t getting in. We will never be perfect. We will never willpower our way to becoming like Him.

As humans, we need Jesus Christ. Every. Single. Moment. Not just as a source to solve a problem. But as someone to learn, grow, and become like. Because the more time we spend with Him, the deeper of a relationship we have with Him, and the more His power can transform our ideas into astounding sources of light. The more He can transform us into true heirs of our Heavenly Parents, who are ready and prepared to rule and reign in righteousness forever.

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Weakness is a beautiful nightmare, that I would not trade for anything. Because nothing has made my relationship with Christ more personal or intimate. I bring my full vulnerable, messy self. And He looks on it with love, filling my ideas and actions with His power. The more I see that I lack, the more I praise Him for His abundance. The more I see that I need Him, the more I am in awe of His willingness to be needed so desperately. The more weakness, the more strength. All praise to God who blessed me with all-consuming weakness so that I can truly understand how good and strong Christ’s all-consuming love and power are!

And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.

Ether 12:27